Dating Questions

For as long as humans have been on this Earth, dating has played an integral part of happy, healthy relationships. Perhaps the first caveman brought a token of his affection to his paramour. It may not have been roses and chocolates but it was the beginning of the courtship dance that embraces all life. Mankind does it. Animals do it. The birds and the bees do it. Dating may change styles but the end result of being a couple or mate is where we are all headed and that is being together.

Being single or new to the dating scene is hard. How do I begin?

Congratulations on taking your first step by deciding that you are ready to get into the game of dating. Many people become apprehensive if they have recently ended a relationship, due to whatever circumstances, and are often unsure of where to begin. In this day and age of unlimited communication ability, the whole dating scene can be confusing. The etiquette and customs have evolved over the last century.

The first step on the road to dating is to relax. Far too often people rush themselves into something they are not ready for. The key is to take it easy. Over eagerness can be detrimental and it might give off the perception of desperation. You are not desperate. Forget the biological clock or what family and friends may be telling you. As long as you are an adult, take all the time you need to decide what you are looking for in a date. Or for that matter... you can date just for the fun of it.

How do I even know what I should be looking for in a long term relationship?

Stop right there. The whole point of dating is to discover what you like and dislike in other people. It can even help you gain a greater understanding of yourself. Many people make the mistake of rushing through dating only to find them married to a partner that does not suit them.

Another huge mistake is thinking you can change your partner. It is true that over time our personality changes as does our hobbies, preferences and even political or religious viewpoints. But many people begin dating someone, discovering a flaw in their personality, mentality or physical body, and think they can change them to fit what they are looking for. If you are with someone, you accept them for what or who they are rather than what you want them to be.

What is the whole deal with internet dating?

Many people find that the internet is a fast way to connect with many people. It is probably less expensive than going to bars looking for that special someone. Most websites allow you to customize your search, thus eliminating people you think might not be best suited for you. There are also websites that are based on important issues such as religion, sexuality or even age and ethnic groups.

I always thought that finding a date on the internet or through a personal ad was for someone afraid to get out. Is this true?

It might be true for a small minority of individuals. Most internet dating users find that websites give a chance to get to know the person before committing to that all important first date. It also allows you the chance to show a different aspect of yourself. If you are shy it could mean the difference between an awkward first date between strangers and a comfortable meeting between two people who already know something about each other.

What should I tell my friends or family if they ask about my date that I found through a personal ad?

Unfortunately there are times when family and/or friends have a greater impact on our lives than needs be. If you find yourself embarrassed about how you met your date, then avoid the question. It really is not their business how you two met. Later, if you feel comfortable discussing the issue, you can tell them how you met. If you still feel an overwhelming sense of discomfort or embarrassments then consider that internet dating or personal ads are not for you.

Are there any dangers with using an internet dating site?

There are benefits to using internet dating sites but a sad fact is that there are also great dangers. There are some individuals who use dating sites as nothing more then preying grounds for unsuspecting people. Predators surround us daily but the horrors of the World Wide Web seem to grab our attention more than others. There are countless horror stories within the dating world of married men or women trolling personal ads to have affairs on their spouses. There are psychologically deranged individuals searching for victims. In reality this is true of dating off the internet as well. You just have more opportunities to run across people such as these when you are connected online. The best advice is to use common sense and have a little bit of prudence. If it seems too good to be true... it probably is.

What is the difference between a dating site and adult personal's site?

Ah, this is an interesting question. If you go to a dating website and then visit an adult personal's site, you will immediately notice the difference. Though clothing seems to get skimpier and skimpier in an effort to attract more suitors, the lack of clothing and erotic poses should clue you in to the nature of adult personal sites. Many dating websites screen for married people but of course this only works if the person is honest. An adult personal website will have quite a lot of married people looking for "intimate" encounters outside the confines of their marriage.

Are there any other ways to find dates?

Yes, of course there are other ways to find dates other than using the internet. Once upon a time the internet did not exist and yet people still managed to date. Dating has been around for thousands of years. It may not be as easy to surf through pictures and ads but it can have added benefits. These benefits could be a sense of empowerment over shyness or even tackling new hobbies in order to expand your dating pool. Many people can attest that their partners were met in unusual places such as the grocery store, doctor's office or even the park. It still requires that leap into the unknown but at least you know that if you met a man or woman at a dog park, chances are they like dogs.

What is speed dating?

Speed dating is a relatively new twist on an old fashioned singles mixer. It is part interview, part date, and part sheer havoc. The concept is to put a certain amount of single men and women in a room so that they will have the chance to interact with each other. The usual design is to put one sex in an outside circle and the other in an inside circle with each one moving opposite the other. The seated couples have a few minutes to get to know one another or exchange information and then a buzzer sounds. Everyone rotates to the next spot and so on. The plus side is meeting quite a few people in a short time. The huge downside is that you really do not get the chance to find much about the person in such a short time. It can be a dizzying and confusing experience to say the least.

What are date advisors or consultation firms?

Dating advisors or consultation firms are businesses that specialize in the world of dating. They analyze what criteria a person is searching for, what type of personality they possess and even can help the would-be suitor revamp their image. In short... they tell you where you are going wrong. Are they always right? No, but they may be able to help you if you find yourself flailing about in unfamiliar waters. Many advisors can help coach you along in areas you are unfamiliar with such as conversation or proper etiquette.

What is some helpful advice for the first date?

The best advice for a first date is to be you. Strike that. Be a slightly flashier version of who you really are. That means use your manners, do not drag previous relationship baggage out on the date and do not... absolutely do not... compare your date to your ex. At the very least do not do so to their face, it will not go over so well. If you have not ever been on a date, you are fifty years old and live in a house filled with cats: you do not have to have total disclosure on the very first date. Relax, take it easy and enjoy meeting someone new. They may not turn into a long term relationship but you can at least have fun.

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